She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
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