If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
Randomize
