me and my sister are feeding my dog poprocks. this is proof you don't need a lot of money to have fun.
he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
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