so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
Randomize