dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
Do you remember whose house we're in?
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
Share, now.
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
Randomize
