so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
Randomize
