Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
Randomize
