Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
I love you.
Bad choice
Randomize