I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
the liver wants what the liver wants
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
Randomize
