Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
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