If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
Be honest with Daniel. He was a good rebound to you for nine months and he made it so you could be with the one you really love and care for now. Just tell him thanks and best of luck.
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
Randomize
