I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
Randomize
