I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
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