..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
Someday. I cant very well invite myself to his dorm room. And I'm 28. The excuses to be drunk and running into him at uconn are rather slim. Although I'm working on it.
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
Randomize
