You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
How naked do you want me to be?
Randomize
