I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
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