We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
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