nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
oh well at that point I was already depressed with life because I had watched the bratz movie.
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
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