The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
did i walk over a car last night?
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
Randomize
