it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
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