Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
i am fully taking advantage of taking advantage of him
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
Randomize
