You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
Randomize
