remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
Randomize
