Any toy can be an adult toy. Location, location, location.
like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
Drunk is not a location!
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
Randomize
