I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
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