With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
Randomize
