So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
Randomize
