but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
oral is when you put your mouth on someones privates and play moterboat or popsicle
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
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