i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
My ATM looks so different sober.
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
The cl.oudds are foaming a really big pen.Is OMG.
Randomize
