some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
Randomize
