Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
Randomize
