Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
Randomize
