hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
Randomize
