I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
Randomize
