What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
what day is it and did you see me today?
Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
Randomize
