if i can run in heels then i can drive
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
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