I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
Randomize
