K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
Randomize