But never have I ever had sex with a dirty talker before, so it was something else, to say the least. I signed up to get laid, not play Penthouse Mad Libs.
Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
Randomize
