Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
Randomize
