i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
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