it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
Drunk walkin through police station. America
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
Randomize
