pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
Randomize
