wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
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