also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
Randomize