There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
Randomize
