my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
I just want nice things and good sex
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
Randomize
