yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
he told me I talked like a deaf person
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
Randomize
