i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
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