Please don't use social media to get back at me.
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
Randomize
