Someone shit on the floor
He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
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