if only i could text you this smell
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
Randomize
