Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
Life is so much better after having sex.
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
Randomize
