I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
no, its his 'welcome back from rehab' party.
chatroulette drinking game turned into a foursome.
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
Randomize
