i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
Randomize