I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
windsor, ontario is like a poor man's amsterdam
no, it is just poor
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
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