If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
This is a mass text. Does anyone know what the hell the asian woman at the end of Napoleon Dynamite is doing in the movie
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
so this was truly a case of the blacked out leading the blacked out.
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
Randomize
