the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
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