His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
Is it just me or does the sex still keep getting better? I wasn't crying, my eyes just watered from how hard I was cumming.
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
Randomize
