Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
Tonight's Real World episode reinforced the well-known fact that men of any caliber can hook up with girls named "Crystal"
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
Randomize
