Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
Randomize
