i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
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