he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
Randomize
