My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
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