Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
Randomize
