dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
Randomize