I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
Randomize
