Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
Okay so the couple who keep propositioning people for threeways are def siblings not bf/gf
So are you gonna do it or no you said they're hot
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
Randomize
