Lets evaluate? U kissed one boss and lef twith another man. I cock teased the other, hardcore had a tongue jammed down my throat, made out w aa third then left in a cab w alex w them all yelling at me and offering rides. My cheek was also licked and bitten by 2 other men and we almost made out (u and me) because they asked. were hired.
In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
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