This sounds like "Sober" Ericka. Sorry that message wasn't for you. I only do business with "Fell off the wagon" Ericka. Please pass that message along to her.
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
Randomize
