I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
I don't believe these are real court rooms. They look absolutely nothing like law and order.
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
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