I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
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