PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
Did you hit it?
Turns out she was a he. but to answer your question, yes.
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
Randomize
