Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
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