she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Randomize
