3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
I was looking threw the photos on my phone. There is 8 different ones of us peeing on things.
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
Randomize
