I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
Drinking a pint every 8 mins right now. Power hour aint shit.
Good luck
Trying doe a second hour and I.cant open my eyes
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
