Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
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