every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
Randomize
