i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
ok, his religious views on facebook are madonna lyrics. we no longer have to wonder about his sexuality.
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
You should have hard cock pics on hand to send in the situation that you can't stop driving, pull out your cock, browse the countless pics I've sent you of my tits, get him hard and text a pic through. I mean, it's simple sexting ettiquette.
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
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