I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
Randomize
