Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
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