im having a threesome with these popsicles
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
Randomize
