I've come to the conclusion that as a grad student I would much rather prefer to get laid then get drunk
I think you know full well that a few years ago my stance was the polar opposite
dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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