Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
Randomize
