wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
Randomize
