I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
I would reevaluate a bf who is happy with other guys doing me.
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
Randomize