theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
I think youre just another guy trying to take advantage of a young naive innocent girl
you're not innocent... Once you have taken it in the turd cutter you can't label yourself innocent.
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
Randomize
