Please, let me fuck your mom
I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
Randomize
