I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
Randomize
