If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
Randomize