I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
Randomize
