She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
