he wasnt completely random
you're right. you met him once and didnt know his name. you still dont
i get things done.
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
Randomize
