You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
The best walk of shames are on the highway
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