i barfeds in our rink
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
Randomize
