I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
His legs actually look hot in that dress. He might even make a better girl than Josh
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
Randomize
