My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
I need mimosas to revive my soul
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
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