That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
Randomize
