My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
i out mim tonsoeep
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
Randomize
