So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
it's like iHOP with fire
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
Randomize
