I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
Randomize
