R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
Randomize
