hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
Hey in a lighter note I also nutted in that cheerleader too if she got prego there would have been a team reunion on Maury
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
Randomize
