i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
you didnt know i had herpes?
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
Randomize
