what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
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