$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
Randomize
