Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
Nope it's a specific set of cards not like a normal ace, queen king thing....kinda like UNO, but instead of yelling UNO you get shitfaced
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
Randomize